REAL Marriage

Most people think infidelity is wrong - at least they say they do.  I believe most of them and I am sure that there are very few people who would think it is okay if their spouse, or significant other, cheated on them.  However, there are some who think it is okay.  Click here for an article about the spread of an infidelity promotion website’s spread to Australia.

What do we do about such things?  My answer is we promote faithfulness instead of infidelity. Develop a faithfulness plan with your spouse and encourage your friends to develop a faithfulness plan also.  While we may not totally eliminate infidelity we can reduce it and make it an unpopular choice.

I have mentioned the cost of out of wedlock births before and it is an issue that has not gone away.  Besides the monetary cost there are untold emotional, physical, and spiritual costs to out of wedlock childbirth.  Click here to read an NPR story about out of wedlock births.  This is an issue that we can address.  Each of us can spread the information and we can all send people for education about the advantages of marriage.  You can also give premarital education as a marriage (instead of wedding) gift.

Tomorrow, April 13th, 2010 is International Moment of Laughter Day.  Give your spouse a love note describing how you enjoy the way he or she makes you laugh.  You can also make the note about how much you appreciate your spouse’s laugh.  Another alternative is to give a funny note that will make your spouse laugh.

REAL Love Notes are deposits in the love bank.

Tomorrow, Friday, April 9, 2010 is National Cherish An Antique Day.  Visit antique shops together, share stories about the antiques you already own and most importantly make plans for how you will become antiques together.

A REAL date a week builds a REAL marriage.

“Emotional stimulation is often a more powerful determinant of genital function and satisfaction than is touch.”  David Schnarch, Ph.D.  Passionate Marriage, 2009.

The above statement is important for couples to understand.  Emotions matter, to women AND men, when you want to have satisfying sex.  It is difficult to have good sex, and sometimes even difficult to just have sex, when you are in a bad mood.  Sometimes you have stress from outside your marriage that is causing the bad mood and sometimes it has to do with interactions with your spouse.  Treat each other well so that you can move into positive emotions and enjoy each other more, both relationally and sexually.

For those of you who think this does not matter because you have great “make-up” sex, you need to realize that the argument you had produced very powerful emotions and now that you are making up you have flipped the switch on those emotins from negative to positive, resulting in powerful good emotions that fuel good sex.

So from now on remember that there is more than just physical stimulation.  Positively stimulate your spouse intellectually, mentally, spiritually, and emotionally and physical stimulation becomes much easier.  Keep being REAL and you will stimulate your spouse on all of these levels.

This is Couple Appreciation Month.  Give your loved one a REAL Love Note expressing how much you appreciate being a couple together with him or her.

REAL Love Notes are deposits in the love bank.

Today begins Golden Rule Week.  You remember the Golden Rule, “Do to others what you would have them do to you.”  It is also National Fun Day.  Take your loved one someplace he or she considers fun for your date this week (even if it is someplace you would not normally like to go).

A REAL date a week builds a REAL marriage.

April Fool’s Day is this Thursday.  Take advantage of the day to write your spouse a REAL Love Note letting him or her know that you are a fool for him or her every day.

REAL Love Notes are deposits in the love bank.

It is March Madness.  Give your spouse a REAL Love Note letting him or her know that you are still “mad about” him or her or still “madly in love” with him or her.  You get the idea.

REAL Love Notes are deposits in the love bank.

Go on a drive with your spouse and sing “99 bottles of (insert your favorite bottled beverage here).”  Yes, its goofy.  So what?  See how you can come up with an idea based on just about anything.  As soon as I saw it was date tip #99 that silly thought popped into my head.  You can do the same.

For those of you who cannot bear to sing that song (I’m one of them) then play checkers, chess, Othello, or some other strategy game where you have to be intentional about your playing to win.  As you play a game that requires you to be intentional have a discussion about other ways you can intentionally nuture your marriage.

A REAL date a week builds a REAL marriage.