REAL Marriage

Go on a drive with your spouse and sing “99 bottles of (insert your favorite bottled beverage here).”  Yes, its goofy.  So what?  See how you can come up with an idea based on just about anything.  As soon as I saw it was date tip #99 that silly thought popped into my head.  You can do the same.

For those of you who cannot bear to sing that song (I’m one of them) then play checkers, chess, Othello, or some other strategy game where you have to be intentional about your playing to win.  As you play a game that requires you to be intentional have a discussion about other ways you can intentionally nuture your marriage.

A REAL date a week builds a REAL marriage.

Today is a great day to let your spouse know that he or she is your Valentine all year around, not just on February 14th.  Give your spouse a “You are my every day Valentine” love note today.  Make the note on your spouse’s favorite color card stock and decorate with things that your spouse likes.

REAL Love Notes are deposits in the love bank.

“The love we have in our youth is superficial compared to the love that an old man has for his old wife.”  Will Durant

“Confronted with any marital problem, the only question that leads to a constructive solution is, What can I do?”  Rudolf Dreikurs

Valentine’s Day is this coming Sunday so it is time for a romantic date with your spouse.  What does that look like?  You decide.  It might be an expensive restaurant or it might be pizza at home by candle light.  What is important is that the two of you do something together that you want to do to celebrate Valentine’s Day. 

The “R” in REAL stands for “Romanctic” and romance is defined by you as a couple.  A romantic couple takes advantage of any opportunity to be romantic.  So, let’s be thankful for Valentine’s Day as an opportunity to celebrate our marriage in a romantic way.

Today, February 8, 2010, is the beginning of National Marriage Week.  It goes through Valentines Day.  It is a good idea to send a REAL Love Note each day this week.  For today, post a REAL Love Note in your status on Facebook letting everyone know that you are glad to be married to your spouse and mention one thing you appreciate about your spouse.

For those of you who do not Facebook, use Valentine colors to make a REAL Love Note, and write one thing you appreciate about your spouse, and then make sure your spouse gets that note today.

REAL Love Notes are deposits in the love bank.

Today, February 4, 2010 is “Liberace Day.”  For this week’s date go out for live piano music in the genre of your choice.  Picking your spouse’s favorite genre is likely to win you extra points.

A REAL date a week builds a REAL marriage.

Start sending Valentine love notes now.  Use red, pink, or white paper and contrast with red, pink, or white ink.  If you start this coming Friday you can do a “Top 10 Reasons I Love You” series of REAL Love Notes with #10 on Friday, February 5, 2010 and ending with #1 on Valentine’s Day, February 14, 2010.

REAL Love Notes are deposits in the love bank.

This Saturday, January 23, 2010, is National Pie Day.  This week go out for a piece of pie together, even if it is not on Saturday.  As you eat your favorite pie reminisce about your favorite times together and maybe even plan for some new favorites in the future.

A REAL date a week builds a REAL marriage.

Little things matter.  Have you ever tried to lace your shoes with laces that did not have aglets (the little plastic things at the end of the laces that make it easy to put laces through holes)?  Have you ever lost a key you need?  Then you have experienced how little things matter.

Little things matter in marriage.  I am willing to say even that little things matter, overall, more than big things.  The illustration for this is one I have used many times and you may have heard elsewhere; it goes like this: If someone were to offer you a penny today and double your money every day for a month or offer you one thousand dollars a day for a  month, which would you take?  At the end of the month you can have $30, 000 at $1000 per day or you can have over five million dollars if you started with the penny.  You probably want the five million.

Little things in your marriage are like the penny and even if not doubled every day they do get compound interest.  Examples of little things are saying please and thank you, replacing the toilet paper roll when it runs out, doing a chore your spouse usually does, REAL Love Notes, a phone call or e-mail, or a small gift.  A small gift is something under $10.  If you really need to celebrate then you can go to $20.  Any more than $20 dollars and you have moved into big things, which are appropriate at times, but not all the time. 

We guys are often the ones who fall into the big things trap.  Our wives like flowers and instead of buying a pretty bunch of flowers from the grocery store we spend over $100 for a bouquet of long stem roses.  Most women would rather get 15 bunches of flowers from the grocery store (over time) then the one time bouquet of roses.  Though we often hear “diamonds are a girl’s best friend,” many women do not want to wear diamond ear rings, bracelets, or necklaces to the grocery store, hauling the kids to practice, or even to work.  Find something less expensive that you know she likes and go with it.  The way to do this is to pay attention when you see her looking at things and writing down what she looks at so you can buy it, or something similar, later.  In case you missed it, one of those little things is being with her when she is looking at those things.

Let’s look at this another way.  Thanksgiving is usually a big meal.  We have a bunch of food and we eat a bunch of food.  We do not eat that way at every meal.  Other days we have normal, or smaller meals, and these meals sustain us.  Well, your spouse needs regular small meals (little things) to sustain them in the marriage.

Little things matter.  Let us all be big enough, to do the little things.