REAL Marriage

Resolve to be (or remain) intentional about your marriage in 2010.  It is time to review your faithfulness plan and make 2010 the best year of your REAL marriage so far.

Happy New Year to all of you! Stay tuned throughout the year for information that will help you have a REAL Marriage in 2007. Please tell your friends about the blog and website, send them links, and link to it from your own blog.

I am convinced that everyone can have a REAL Marriage. I am also convinced that the more people who have a REAL Marriage, one that is happy, positive, and growing the better our society will be. Good marriages have a positive ripple effect in a wide array of areas.

YOU can make a better society by having a REAL Marriage and helping others to do the same. Be a marriage investor this year and let’s make 2007 the best year yet for all of us.

Merry Christmas!

Remember the gift you have in your REAL Marriage.

Tonight is St. Nick’s Eve. This is the night that you hang your stockings for St. Nick to fill them. So tonight is a good night to put out those stockings and to fill them with small gifts for your spouse.

If you are not accustomed to this holiday then maybe you can go out and get a stocking with your spouses name put on it and fill it with small gifts. Put it out where your spouse will find it tomorrow morning and introduce the holiday to your spouse. If you have children you can get everyone a stocking and introduce the family to St. Nick’s Eve.

Having fun during the holidays will give you the gift of a REAL Marriage.

It is the time of year when we think about giving gifts. If we try not to think about then the advertisers overwhelm us with messages about how their product is the “perfect gift this holiday season.” Bah humbug! That’s for the advertisers - not the season.

If you want to know what the perfect gift for your spouse is then ask him or her. “That ruins the surprise,” you say. Let’s think about that. You can give your spouse a gift you know he or she wants and it may not be a surprise or you can surprise your spouse with an unwanted or possibly argument producing gift. Which of these sounds better to you?

Of course another option is that you have been observing your spouse and know the kind of things your spouse would like to receive as gifts. You have heard the things mentioned off hand (or sometimes blatantly) and you have paid attention to what catches your spouse’s eye when the commercials are on or you are walking through the store. You know which page of that catalog keeps getting turned to or which web page has been bookmarked so you know what to buy.Â

It is always a good idea to keep a list of things to buy for your spouse. That way you are not at a loss when the Christmas season, anniversary, birthday, or other reason for giving a gift comes up. Anytime your spouse says, “That’s cool,” or “I’d like to have one of those,” it is something to put on the list.

Another good idea is to stay within your budget when gift buying. If you buy your budget watching spouse a gift that breaks the budget then your spouse will worry about the money and not enjoy the gift. Better to buy that pair of fleece pajamas or that power screwdriver than to buy the diamond tennis bracelet or new bass boat if you really can’t afford the high priced gifts.

Now is the time of year when we think more about gift giving and yet anytime is a good time to give your spouse a gift. I recommend frequent gift giving of the small variety. One of my favorites, of course, is REAL Love Notes.  These notes are a small gift with big meaning. Favorite candies are another fun gift and so are the small, under $5, trinkets that you know will bring a smile to your spouse’s face. Try a Pez dispenser, jacks, a bouncy ball, or a small stuffed animal.

When giving gifts to your spouse remember:

1. Listen and observe so you know what to give.
2. Ask what your spouse wants.
3. Stay within your budget.
4. Small gifts are okay.
5. Give gifts frequently.

So get out there and finish your shopping early so you can give your spouse the gift or gifts he or she really wants. This kind of gift giving will put the “merry” in your REAL Marriage.

What are you Thankful for on this Thanksgiving Day 2006? It is a good idea to frequently give thought to what we are thankful for and not save it all for one day. Keep a list and add to it as you get more for which you are thankful. There is a book titled 14,000 things to be happy about by Barbara Ann Kipfer which in my view is also 14,000 things to be thankful for.

Since this blog is mainly about marriage I suggest you make a list of things you are thankful for about your spouse. Keep that list handy and look at it often. It will help you appreciate your spouse more and help you through those rough times. I also suggest you share that list with your spouse so that your spouse knows you are thankful for him or her.

Thankfulness is an important part of your REAL Marriage.

We are now less than two weeks away from Thanksgiving. Thanksgiving is a wonderful time of year full of opportunity to do good things in your marriage.Â

Be thankful for your spouse and let him or her know it. Give your spouse a REAL Love Note describing your thankfulness. Have a conversation with your spouse about how thankful you are for him or her and talk about all of the other things you are thankful for this season.

Spend time with others during this Thanksgiving holiday. Yes, it can be hectic and it is also fun. Spend time with extended family and concentrate on what you are thankful for about those family members. And even for those family members who are a challenge to be around, try being the good example as a couple and help each other through that part of the holidays. You never know when your good example and REAL Marriage will make a positive difference for someone else.

Share. Share with each other, with other family members, and with strangers. My son’s school is taking up food and socks at this time. It is an opportunity to share and an opportunity to teach my son’s. Many of you have the same or similar opportunities where you live.

Enjoy the traditions and rituals you have for this time of year. Memories are made in the following of traditions and rituals. It is even a good time to start new traditions or rituals if you don’t have any or if you need to tweak the old ones.

Snuggle. In a large portion of the United States it is cooler, if not downright cold, during this time of year. Embrace the cold by embracing your spouse and spend some time snuggling. Snuggling is something for which you can be thankful.

These are just a few ideas. Feel free to send in your ideas around Thanksgiving so we can all benefit from your experience. Being thankful and celebrating your thankfulness is good for you and your REAL Marriage.

This coming Sunday is Father’s Day. Please send an appropriate card to your father, make a phone call to him, and if you can go see him. Father’s need to know they are appreciated. Father’s do so much for us and much of it is unseen and unknown to us. Give your father a “thank you” for all the stuff he did you did not know he did.

For some of you Father’s Day is painful. You may never have had a father around or the father you had did not do a good job of being a father. I’m sorry you had to go through that or are going through that challenge. Other’s of you have had your father pass away. It is almost 20 years since my father passed away and while we did not always get along there are some things I wish I could have shared with him since he has passed away.

For those without good earthly fathers I have two suggestions. First, remember that there is a heavenly father you can turn too at any time. Second, there are good men older than you who will befriend you if you look in the right places.

For everyone I wish you a Happy Father’s Day.

Mother’s Day is this Sunday. There is still time to get out and get those gifts and please remember to get a card too. You fathers can help the children pick gifts and cards. Handmade cards from children are very special. Provide the kiddos with colored paper, crayons, markers, stickers, and other craft items and let them get creative. Mother’s love these things. My mom still has a Christmas ornament I made at school in the first grade and I am now in my forties. Don’t underestimate the power of handmade gifts and cards.

All you fathers-to-be out there remember to buy a gift for your wife from you and from your unborn child. This is especially meaningful if this is your first child. You can handmake this card too using crayon and writing with your non-writing hand. Writing this way will make it unsteady like a young child which adds a nice touch.

Here in the Northwest Mother’s Day begins “Marriage Matters Month” which runs through Father’s Day. I know this is a little longer than a month but the two holidays make nice bookends for highlighting marriage. I encourage all of you to take advantage of this month to do good things for your marriage. Let your friends, family, co-workers, and neighbors know about it also and give them a good excuse to celebrate their marriage. Use this time to begin or restart good marriage habits like regular conversation times, regular fun times, and monthly (preferrably weekly) dates.  For those of you who find the spiritual dimension important you can emphasize marriage in your devotionals together or begin having devoitonals together.

Take advantage of these opportunities to keep your REAL marriage going.