REAL Marriage

The Blessing came out in 1986. I have owned it for a number of years and I have finally read it. The whole book is about blessing others in your life. I teach others that a basic principle in marriage (and life in general) is “speak nicely.” While this is part of blessing as described in the book it is only part.

The five elements of the blessing listed in the book are: 1) meaningful touch; 2) spoken words; 3) expressing high value; 4) picturing a special future; 5) an active commitment. Each of these are very important to your marriage and your other relationships.

I firmly believe that if you put into practice the concepts in The Blessing, that you will improve your marriage, and any other relationship in which you use the principles. Putting these principles into practice will take you a long way in the areas of encouraging and loving your spouse. I highly recommend the book.

Bless your spouse and you will bless your REAL Marriage.

I believe that one way to enrich your marriage is to work together on projects. This could be a project around the house, for work, or with one spouse’s hobby or interest.

Today, I’m finishing my book, Make a Note to Love Your Spouse. I’ll e-mail the final manuscript to the publisher later today or first thing in the morning (did you hear the heavy sigh of relief?) and Susan has been part of the project from the beginning. Not only is she the primary recipient of REAL Love Notes from me, she has also helped with the book, provided the graphics, and been a source of great ideas. I like to think that working through this together has been an enriching experience for our marriage (and hopefully an enriching experience for our bank account once published).

So, pick a project you can do as couple and enrich your REAL Marriage.

Today is “For Pete’s Sake Day.”  If your spouse’s name is Pete then you have a natural note here.  For the rest of you it is good to use the phrase to good advantage, e.g. on the front of your note write, “For Pete’s Sake” and on the inside write, “have lunch with me.”  You get the idea.

Don’t forget to have fun with these REAL Love Notes. I received one this weekend with the Geico gekko on the front, (Susan had printed a picture and cut it out) and the inside said, “Hello Mate!” and had a smiley face drawn underneath. This was creative and fun and used something common that we both talk about since we get a kick out of the Geico commercials.

So, G’day mate and keep giving those REAL Love Notes.

“Familiar acts are beautiful through love.”  Percy Bysshe Shelley

I just finished an article by an anonymous writer where she talks about her affair. In th article she talks about coming to “the inevitable recognition that what you’re doing is bad.” Every person I have talked to or counseled with who has been in an affair comes to the realization that it is bad. Yes, there are moments of happiness for them and even excitement and yet it always comes back to feeling that what they are doing is bad. That’s because it is! I have yet to meet the person who said the affair was worth the pain.

Affairs are bad and they are wrong. Period. Even if you are married to a horrible spouse who treats you badly and who exhibits behavior that is wrong most of the time it does not give you the right to do wrong as well. There is always an appropriate way to handle a situation and someone else’s wrong behavior.

If you are in an affair I encourage you to check out the Affair Recovery Center where you can get a free book, 31 Reasons to Stop an Affair. If you have been betrayed by your spouse then I recommend that you get counseling from someone who understands infidelity. You can of course contact me for help in recovering from infidelity.

Infidelity is a betrayal and a fake relationship. Instead of a fake relationship do the work you need to do to have a REAL Marriage.

This week’s date tip is have lunch together at home. For this lunch make it simple with soup and/or sandwiches and good conversation between the two of you.

Remember, a REAL date a week builds a REAL Marriage.

I received an e-mail yesterday and there was a portion that said marriage belongs to the community.  This is very true.  Just ask police officers who respond to domestic calls or teachers dealing with children who are doing poorly in school because their parents are not getting along.

Your marriage will either be a help to society or a drain on society. The good news is that your marriage can be a great help to society simply by you having a REAL marriage. This means learning and doing the right things to have a REAL marriage.

Learning to do the right things before you marry is the best way to have a good marriage. When you learn good skills for marriage before you marry you have fewer problems in your marriage, you are better able to deal with the problems that do arise, you are more likely to be open to learning additional skills or gather more information to help your marriage, and you will enjoy your marriage more.

So for all of you who are thinking about getting married - please go through some premarital education and make sure it includes a premarital inventory.  I recommend the PREPARE inventory. For those who are already married, give the gift of premarital education to your friends who are marrying and keep working on your marriage.

We can make a stronger society by strengthening our marriages.  Make your marriage better and you are contributing to a better society which means you benefit twice.

You can help society and yourself when you prepare for your REAL Marriage.

One of the ways to enrich your marriage is to join a small group of people who want to enrich their marriage.  There is a ton of material that works well for this purpose.  You can all go through a marriage book together, there are small group materials available for marriage enrichment, or you can just get together and encourage each other in your marriages.

When you join a group like this you are surrounding yourself with fellow marriage investors.  A small group provides positive peer pressure and support along with the occasional reality check.  These small groups are also a good way to extend your marriage network and can become part of a childcare co-op so that all the members can regularly go out on a date without the children.

Enriching your marriage does not have to be difficult.  It takes some awareness and some intentional effort to enrich your marriage and it is certainly worth it.  Join a small group and enjoy what it does for your REAL Marriage.

Today is Presidents Day.  Elect your spouse president of your love life in a REAL Love Note.  You can also send the post-valentines day valentine to let your spouse know that he or she is your valentine all year long.

REAL Love Notes are an investment in your REAL Marriage.

I have written a book about making, writing, and delivering REAL Love Notes. It goes to the publisher at the end of this month.  I am working out some ideas for a book cover and I need the help of all of you readers. Please click here and vote for the book cover you like most or click the feedback option to give me other ideas.

Thank you for reading and thank you for voting.  Keep giving those REAL Love Notes and enjoying your REAL Marriage.