This week go to an outdoor garden together. You may have your own garden that you really enjoy or you may have a friend with a great garden you can relax in while drinking a tall iced tea. If not, many cities have rose gardens, Japanese gardens, or some other type of garden.
Be sure to stroll hand-in-hand through the garden at a leisurely pace. Of course you should stop and smell the roses.
A REAL Date a week builds a REAL marriage.
Many of you out there do quite a bit of reading in the business area for your work. Much of the good literature on leadership and managment has carry over to personal relationships, including marriage. You learn about listening, communication, and conflict resolution to help the bottom line as you move up the corporate ladder. These same skills can help you be a good spouse. The attitude is different is some ways and you can’t treat a spouse like an employee, even if you treat your employees well.
If you want to be well prepared for marriage and well prepared for business, read widely and often. Put those skills to use and you will enjoy your marriage and your career.
One way to enrich your marriage is to get close to one another by sharing your thoughts and feelings on important issues. Pick a story in the news and have a discussion about it.
On the way home from our son’s track meet (family time can enrich your marriage also) we heard a story about a man with TB who flew on a commercial airline against medical advice. This story led to discussion about ethics, care of others, and criminal behavior (Mrs. REAL has a masters degree in Criminal Justice). I appreciated having a deep but brief discussion about this event with my wife.
Pick a story from the radio, newspaper, television news, or your homepage to discuss with your spouse. Over time, these discussions will build a bond between you and contribute to your REAL Marriage.
It is Memorial Day, a national holiday here in the U.S. This leads to the idea of giving your spouse a REAL Love Note that says, “My love for you never takes a holiday.” On this day, when we honor those who have died, let us also remember to honor our spouses.
REAL Love Notes are deposits in the love bank.
“And ruined love, when it is built anew, grows fairer than at first, more strong, far greater.” William Shakespeare
This week’s date tip is head to the zoo! Or, you can check out a local wildlife preserve. Either may give you ideas for a future vacation. When you see the penguins, remember to smile and wave boys, smile and wave.
Are you hoping you will have a great marriage or working to have a great marriage? How fast can you fill a bucket by hoping? How fast can you fill a bucket by working? You get the idea.
How do you work at having a great marriage? First, be committed to you marriage and your spouse (or future spouse). Second, use your manners (mom will be proud). Third, learn good skills in communication, conflict resolution, and money managment (be sure to practice these skills regularly). These skills, and others, can be learned from books, seminars, DVD’s, mentors, coaches, counselors, and clergy. You can even take some continuing education or community classes at the local community college. Fourth, be patient and persistent.
Finally, be REAL, Romantic, Encouraging, Adaptable, and Loving every day.
The little things in marriage add up. Most of these things take very little time or effort and yet they make a big difference. Here are a few things I suggest:
You probably have meaningful gestures in your marriage as well. Make sure you do these things regularly.
Keep making these small deposits and they will add up to a REAL big account later.
Today is coupon day. Give your spouse a REAL Love Note that is a coupon, from you, for something your spouse would enjoy. You can make it an ice cream cone, lunch, dinner, car wash, massage, chore free day, or a gazillion other things. Make sure to pay up when the coupon is cashed in, which means make the coupon something you are willing to perform or provide.
REAL Love Notes are a REAL investment in your marriage.
When infidelity occurs it is hard to be calm. There are emotions flooding through you and calmness is usually not one of them. This is not the time to make any sort of decisions other than how to get calm. Go for a walk (near water if possible), breathe deeply, listen to relaxing music, or take a nap. Once you have calmed down, then you can’t start figuring out what you need to do. Remember, 75% of couples who experience an affair stay together. You can work through it.
For those of you who thought you had worked through things and find memories causing you trouble, the same concepts apply. I know, you’re doubly upset since not only are you having these troubling thoughts, but you thought you were done with those kind of thoughts. Again, first calm down, and then think through things.
Once you are calm and able to think through things you are in a much better frame of mind to make decisions. Make the decisions that will put you back on the road to a REAL marriage.