Go to a live theatre performance on your date. This could be ballet, community theatre presentations, or something bigger like a Cirque show, or trip to broadway. There are many styles to choose from so try something new or finally see the show you have always wanted to see.
A REAL date a week builds a REAL marriage.
Focusing on the positive is a good way to get what you want. Instead of saying what you want your spouse to stop doing or saying what you don’t want try saying what you do want.
Instead of, “we never go out any more” try, “I would like to go out to eat with you Friday night.” Instead of, “we never have sex any more” try, “I would like to have sex with you Friday night.”
By the way, this works with children also. Instead of “don’t climb” try, “two feet on the floor.”
All of this takes practice so keep trying. Focus on the positive and you will go a long way in living the Encouragement part in your REAL Marriage.
“Motivation is what gets you started. Habit is what keeps you going.” Jim Ryun
We are often very motivated when we first meet and are married. It is during that time that we need to develop good REAL habits so that when tough times come along we have the REAL habits that can see us through to the better times.
This Wednesday, June 27, 2007 is “Decide to be Married Day.” In honor of that day, and your marriage, send your spouse a REAL Love Note telling him or her you are glad you decided to marry each other. To be fancy, coordinate your love note with a color or note medium indicative of the number of years you have been married. For instance, if you have been married three years, you can send your note on a piece of leather.
REAL Love Notes are deposits in the love bank.
When an affair is discovered or revealed it is difficult on everyone involved. Emotions are like a roller coaster and questions pop in and out of your head at light speed. A journal can help you capture these emotions and questions.
For the faithful spouse: Use the journal to say what you need to say to your spouse before you actually say it. It is not always good to let fly with the thoughts that first come to your mind. More than one person has said something they later regretted. Put it all in your journal first and then read it. After you have read it, figure out how to get that message to your spouse in an honest, direct, and respectful way. I know, your spouse did not respect you when having an affair. Your spouse’s bad behavior is not license for you to act badly as well. Believe me, you will be glad later that you acted appropriately even when your spouse did not.
Also, use the journal to capture all of your questions. Write down every question you have. It is important to write the questions down because in all of the emotional turmoil it will be hard to remember them all. Not only that, but once you have them written down you can decide whether or not you really want to know the answer to every question. You may decide you do not need or want the answer to some questions. Also, once they are written down you can determine the best way to ask the question. “Why” questions usually put people on the defensive. “What” questions are often better and sometimes you can make the question a statement such as, “Tell me about….”
Remember that the purpose of you asking questions is to aid your healing. It is not good for anyone if you ask questions to ridicule, shame, or punish your spouse.
For the unfaithful spouse: Use your journal to put down your thoughts and emotions about your affair. Use the journal to explore the reasons for having the affair and specifically how you were responsible for entering into an affair. Take time to write how you plan to remain faithful in the future so that you can eventually write out a faithfulness plan to follow. Write out your emotions as you go through the healing process. Also write down what you want to say to your spouse. Make sure it is honest, direct, and polite. You may need to write the angry thoughts you have if your spouse is attacking you instead of trying to heal. It is better to write things out and then edit them than to say something you will regret later. More than likely you have enough to regret already.
Using a journal in your affair recovery is an important tool, though it is not the only tool. Make sure to read books on the subject (you can find good ones in the resource section of this website) and find a therapist who understands how to help people recover from infidelity.
With hard work you can rebuild your marriage and turn it into a REAL marriage.
This Saturday, June 23, 2007 is Great American Backyard Campout Day. So, you and your spouse grab your tent and head to the backyard for a sleepover, campout, no kids date. You can even break out the grill and make smores.
(Sometime during the summer do the same thing all over again only with the kids for a great family night with low cost.)
A REAL date a week builds a REAL Marriage.
Many of you use the REAL love note tips each week. Now you can buy the book on how to Make a Note to Love Your Spouse. The book is available in the REAL Store, on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and Powells. Be sure to get a copy for yourself and a copy to give to those friends of yours who are getting married. Another option is to go to the brick and mortar store and have them order it for you (it may catch the interest of the people in the store).
I would also appreciate it if you wrote a review of the book on the site from which you buy it.
Most of all, I would like you to use the book to motivate and inspire you in your making, writing, and delivering of REAL Love Notes.
To enrich your marriage you need to take time. To have a relationship, a marriage together, you need to spend time together. Sleeping in the same bed at night is good though it does not count for these purposes.
One author recommends 15 hours per week together. I think this is a good amount though more could also be good. At a minimum, a couple needs an hour a day together.
You can spend time together any time of the year. Now that summer is about here it is a good time to spend time together outside. Fresh air and sunshine are good for your health, your soul, and your marriage. Sometimes a walk in the rain is a refreshing time together.
Keep putting in the time together and you will build a rich REAL marriage.
If it was your 50th anniversary it would be your “golden” anniversary. This is the “golden” REAL love note tip. Get some gold colored paper and let your spouse know they are more valuable to you than gold.
REAL love notes are REAL deposits in the love bank.
“Cleaning your spouses’ car is a REAL love note written with your sweat.” Jim Maxwell
Many REAL love notes are written with your acts of service to your spouse. REAL love notes build a REAL marriage.