REAL Marriage

This week’s date tip is to pick a day and watch a sunrise together.  After that, have breakfast together and enjoy each others’ company.

You may wonder, “How does he write about marriage everyday?”  The simple answer is, I think about marriage everyday. I think about my marriage, how it is going, what I can do to make it better, how I can be a good husband to my wife, and other things.  I also think about marriage in general, what makes it good, how to teach others about marriage, and the overall benefits of marriage to individuals and society.

I can write about marriage everyday because I am passionate about marriage. I think marriage in general, and good marriages specifically, have a positive effect on the world and its inhabitants. Research is telling about these benefits all of the time. Therefore, I want to reap those benefits and I want others to reap those benefits also. I believe that the ripple effects of these benefits will impact those around them and eventually we can all be a little better off.

Another reason I can write about marriage everyday is that I am intentional about my marriage.  I conciously do things to work on my marriage. I purposefully do things that will benefit my wife and my marriage. Could I do better? You bet. Do I continue to learn and try to be better? You bet. My encouragement to you is to be married on purpose, to be intentional about your marriage, and to conciously work on your marriage all the time.

I am not saying that everyone should marry. While I believe in marriage, I also know that not everyone wishes to marry. There is nothing wrong or bad about not being married and I think we should not pester those who have made a deliberate decision not to marry. For those who want to marry and are not doing it as fast as you would like, give them some space. Show them your good marriage and when they start thinking more about marriage they just may ask you for the advice or encouragement you have been waiting to give.

Whether you marry or not, make the decision on purpose. If you do decide to marry or are already married, be married everyday on purpose.

“The greatest way to live with honor in this world is to be what we pretend to be.”  Socrates

One of the ways counselors and therapists help people to change is to tell them to “act as if” which means if they want to be happy they should act as if they are happy.  If you want your marriage to go up a level, then start acting as if it were already at that level.  If it was at that level, what would you be doing, saying, and thinking?  Start doing, saying, and thinking those things now and see what happens.

Taking REAL action builds a REAL marriage.

“I know of no more encouraging fact that the unquestionable ability of man to elevate his loife by conscious behavior.  Henry David Thoreau

As you can elevate your life through conscious behavior, so can you elevate your marriage through conscious behavior. Be conscious of your marriage and how you are behaving within your marriage. If you want your marriage to be different or better, then consciously take REAL action to make it different or better.  Start doing Romantic things, saying Encouraging words, being Adaptable in how you handle things and what you do, and always be Loving.

For a REAL marriage take REAL action.

Find a fun sticky note pad, heart shaped, star shaped, cool colors, or nifty decoration, and put up a bunch of simple REAL Love notes. Use the characteristics of the pad to help (you’re my star, or if there are flowers on the note then write “flowers for you”) or the characteristics of where you place the note (for a note on the mirror, write, “looking good,” or for a note on the refrigerator write, “You’re cool”) or just put up some “I love you” or “Have a great day” notes.

REAL Love Notes are deposits in the love bank.

“In this life we will encounter hurts and trials that we will not be able to change; we are just going to have to allow them to change us.”  Ron Lee Davis

For those who have experienced infidelity it is common to want it to all go away, to never have happened. But it did. And it hurts. You are now changed forever. You can let it destroy you, or you can learn from it and become stronger.

Things happen that we cannot change. You cannot un-ring a bell, you cannot take back words already said, and actions are done once they are done. This is true for the good and the bad. Let all the good that happens to you continually change you for the good. Let all the bad that happens to you make you smarter and stronger so you can continue to do good to those around you and enjoy the good that comes your way.