REAL Marriage

Take your spouse to the beach one last time this summer.  Where white while you can still get away with it and make sure to see either a sunrise or sunset.

A REAL date a week builds a REAL marriage.

“Everyone is a statistic.  The only question is are you a positive statistic or a negative statistic?”  Jim Maxwell

All of us are a statistic of some sort.  We are either male or female, alive or dead (I assume alive if you are reading this blog), or some other statistic.  Yes, I realize some statistics are simply descriptive and neither positive or negative, like male and female.  For many other statistics there are value judgments.  Most people do not want to be one of the “drunk driver” statistics.  It is not uncommon to hear the phrase, “I don’t want to end up a statistic.”

Well, I encourage you to end up a positive statistic when it comes to marriage.  For those who are not married and intend to marry someday, a good way to increase your ability to be a positive statistic is to go through premarital education.  It is indeed an investment in your marriage.  For those who are married, be intentional about your marriage, work on it daily, and maintain your faithfulness with a written faithfulness plan.

Be a positive statistic, that is what a REAL marriage is all about.

During our devotional reading last night I heard the statement, “Don’t act without praying and don’t pray without acting.”  This is an important statement for anyone and especially for those who are religiously inclined.  Prayer is important and so is acting.  Often, I hear people say they are praying for something to be different and yet I do not see them doing anything to make things different.  We pray for our marriages to be different and then continue doing the same things that messed them up in the first place.  This does not make sense.

I am reminded of a professor of mine who told of praying for more missionaries to Brazil and a while later found himself getting off a plane in Brazil to do mission work.  He followed his prayer with action.

What do you want to be different in your marriage, what have you been praying for?  What action have you taken?  Do you pray that you will argue less?  What action have you taken to learn better communication and problem solving skills?  Have your prayed for a better marriage?  How many marriage classes have you taken or marriage enrichment seminars have you gone to so you can have that better marriage?

Some of you have prayed and acted and things still are not the way you would like them to be.  Keep praying and keep acting.  Some times it takes a while to find the right actions to make a positive difference.  Others of you have prayed and acted and reaped great benefits.  Share what you have learned and what has worked for you with your friends.

Combine prayer and action and you will enrich your REAL marriage.

This week, leave a note for your spouse in the kitchen.  One possibility is to leave a note in the bowls that says, “I bowled over with love for you.”  Make sure to leave this note in a place you have not left one before in the kitchen, unless of course you are such a frequent REAL Love Note giver that you have left a note in every possible place.  In that case, pick a spot you know works well and enjoy giving that love note.

REAL Love Notes are deposits in the love bank.

Watch a sunset together for this week’s date.  You can do this from your own yard, apartment window, or from a local scenic spot.  Of course you can also make it more expensive and watch a sunset while having dinner out or while on vacation.  You pick the level of effort and expense and then watch a sunset this week.

A REAL date a week builds a REAL marriage.

There was an interesting article on MSNBC yesterday about what makes kids happy.  The top answer in what makes these 13 to 24 year olds happy is spending time with family.  Family is important!

With that in mind I want to encourage couples to continually enrich their marriage.  Make your marriage a REAL marriage and you will be happier and I suspect you will be more effective parents.  Your REAL marriage will set a good example for your children.  Children like seeing mom and dad get along well.

I also want to encourage you to do things together as a family.  Recently my 7 year old son has taken to informing the rest of the family where they stand “in the polls.”  This means he is recording how we are doing in his personal popularity tracking.  I am glad to say that I am up in the polls recently and when I asked why it came down to, “you spend time with us and play with us.”  You can bet he has no trouble getting me to play with him now.  I want to keep my poll numbers up!

Yes, I know parenting isn’t all about being popular or having “good poll numbers.”  Children want us to be their foundation which sometimes means doing unpopular things.  The above illustration is simply to say that spending time with your children is important.  Spending time together has advantages too, like knowing who your children are with and what they are doing.

Here are some activities you can do to promote a healthy marriage, healthy family, and happy kids.

1. Eat dinner together, or breakfast, or both.
2. Have a daily family time to check in with each other and maybe do something together.
3. If you have young children, read to them daily.  There are plenty of good books and this fits with #2.
4. Go for a walk together.
5. Play board games together.
6. Play cards together.
7. Go for a bike ride together.
8. Play tag in the backyard or local park.
9. Play catch together.
10. Do a 2 minute clean-up together on an area of the house. (The short time and togetherness can make it fun instead of a chore.)

Obviously, there are more things you can do together.  Hopefully, I have primed the pump for you and encouraged you to spend time together.  This kind of spending will pay big dividends in the long run.  So work on that REAL marriage and that REAL family and enjoy.

This week it is time to leave a REAL Love Note for your spouse in the bathroom.  Opportunities abound here.  You can stick a note on the mirror or in the shower, you can use either window or dry erase markers to write a note on the mirror itself or on the shower tile, and you can leave a note in the medicine cabinet.  Hide a note in a drawer, unroll some toilet paper, write a note, and then re-roll the toilet paper, or unroll some toilet paper and hide a small paper note by re-rolling the toilet paper.  There are also “bathtub paints” made for kids, which wash off easily.  You’re allowed to use them as an adult and it could allow you to expand your note to artwork as well.

Have fun with these REAL Love Notes and with so many ideas you can leave a number of them this week.  REAL Love Notes are deposits in the Love Bank.

Thanks to a comment made to a recent blog entry, I have discovered another blog, www.lovingdevotedhusband.com.  This blog is written by a husband of twenty four plus years.  Please check out his blog for practical tips on being a loving devoted husband.  Paul has the experience and is living the life of a loving devoted husband.  Follow his advice and it will help you be a REAL husband who builds a REAL marriage.

“Let not steadfast love and faithfulness forsake you; bind them around your neck; write them on the tablet of your heart.”  Proverbs 3:3 ESV

If we bind love and faithfulness to our neck and write them on our heart we are likely to have a REAL marriage.  It is also important to keep other symbols of faithfulness evident and be aware of their importance.  Wear your wedding ring and keep pictures of your spouse around to remind you of who you are faithful too.

Go to the aquarium for this week’s date.  Sea animals and plants are fun to look at and the trip is usually educational as well.  You can strengthen your relationship and your mind at the same time.  Of course, if you go to a freshwater aquarium then freshwater animals and plant life will interesting as well.

A REAL date a week builds a REAL marriage.