REAL Marriage

Here is my take on the wife article with the same title as this entry from MSN.

1. Take care of yourself. (Willard Harley says that an attractive spouse is one of a man’s most important needs.)
2. Say thank you, often.
3. Keep the romance alive. (See the REAL Date Tips and REAL Love Note Tips sections of the blog.)
4. Let him have “guy time.” (He needs guy time as much as you need girl time.)
5. Make your husband a priority. (Don’t let kids and work crowd out your husband.  The idea is he will be there when the kids start their own family and the two of you retire so you need to stay connected.)
6. Don’t try to change him.
7. Don’t make him guess-tell him what you want. (We are not mind readers.  Be clear with what you want and we will be so relieved we will likely make it happen.)
8. Cultivate friends and interests outside your marriage. (Make sure your friends and interests enrich your marriage and are not a danger to it.)
9. Let free time be free.
10. Believe in your husband, and let him know it.

Do these 10 things and you will build a REAL marriage.

This blog is my take on an article by the same titile I read on MSN.  These are not the only things you can do to be a better husband, however, I agree that if you do these things you are likely to get some appreciation from your wife and kids too if you have them.  Read tomorrow’s blog for the better wife list.

1. Take an interest in something your wife is really passionate about.
2. Put the kids to bed. (Do this more than the suggested one night a week.)
3. Learn to apologize.
4. Thank her for putting up with you.
5. Clean up after yourself. (You are as responsible for a clean house as she is since you live there too.)
6. Make time for just the two of you. (Check out the REAL Date Tips section of the blog.)
7. Groom yourself.
8. Get away from the family. (We all need personal time.  Learn to balance your time so you and your family are healthy.)
9. Deal with your side of the family.
10. Don’t lose your dating manners. (Good manners are always in order and they make deposits in the love bank.)

We all need a reminder now and then.  Get in the habit of doing these 10 things and you will build a REAL marriage.

It is time to be a little silly with a REAL Love Note.  This note works well if you have something in your marriage that you like to be silly about once in a while.  If you have such a thing in your marriage use it to decorate and provide a message for this week’s note.

If you need an idea draw a bear and an “O” on the front of your note and on the inside write, “A bear hug for you.”  Another idea is to draw a big “O” on the front and underneath it write, (this “O” has no clothes on), then on the inside write, “A bare hug for you.”

REAL Love Notes are deposits in the love bank.

“Kind words can be short and easy to speak but their echoes are truly endless.”  Mother Theresa

This is especially true in marriage.  Say kind words to your spouse everyday.  Not only will they be deposits in the love bank, they will gain interest for a lifetime.

Kind words are the Encouraging part of your REAL marriage.

Have a faithfulness plan.  If you do not have your own plan to follow you will end up following someone else’s plan and that may lead somewhere you do not want to go.  For a template of a faithfulness plan click here.

Each week the Faithfulness Tips will help you develop a faithfulness plan or remind you of parts of your faithfulness plan so you can maintain your faithfulness everyday.

Remaining faithful is essential to keeping your marriage REAL.

January is National Hot Tea Month so take your spouse out for tea.

A REAL date a week builds a REAL marriage.

It is a common myth that living together before marriage is a good way to figure out if you should marry the person you are with.  Fortunately, there have been a number of studies about living together or cohabitation as it is known in the scientific literature.

Here are some things that social scientists have found:

• Higher numbers of premarital cohabitation partners are associated with risk for divorce
• Those who live with more partners or for longer periods of time are associated with thinking less of marriage and raising children
• Living together is associated with more negative communication in marriage
• Living together is associated with lower levels of marital satisfaction
• Those who have lived together are associated with higher perceived marital instability
• Those who live together have a greater chance of experiencing domestic aggression
• Living together leads to a greater chance of divorce
• Living together is associated with higher levels of depression and lower life satisfaction
• Living together is associated with lower levels of dedication to one’s spouse for men

If you would like references for these findings, e-mail me and ask for them and I can send them to you.  You can also check out Cohabitation Facts.  This is a huge list with more findings than I have listed above.

To find out more about your relationship and compatibility together try the following:

• Attend a relationship workshop or seminar together (or by yourself if you have to, which is telling in itself)
• Read relationship books
• Schedule time with a marriage and family therapist or family life educator
• Take a relationship inventory such as PREPARE or do your own online Couple Checkup
• Take time to talk about your relationship.  Click here for questions to help you.

Research shows that many people “slide” into living together instead of making a thought out decision to do so.  Use the above information to arm yourself to make good decisions.  Learn about the person you are thinking of living with and if go through some of the above steps and find out that the two of you have a relationship worth continuing then get engaged, do your premarital education, get married, and then start living together.

Making a purposeful decision about your relationship is one step toward your REAL marriage.

Today is National Hugging Day.  Give your spouse a hug in your REAL Love Note and be sure to follow that up with some real life hugs.  Put a big circle on the outside of your note and on the inside write, “A hug for you on National Hugging Day.”

This Wednesday, January 23, 2008, is National Handwriting Day and another good reason to write your spouse a REAL Love Note.  There is something special about handwritten notes and our spouses deserve something special from us on a regular basis.

Remember, REAL Love Notes are deposits in the love bank.

“Hugs are one of the coolest things in the world.”  Tristan Maxwell, age 10

The above was an unsolicited comment from my son after he came to the room where his mother and I were just so he could get some hugs.

No marriage is affair proof but every marriage can stay faithful.  Most people do the things they think about so think about staying faithful.  Faithfulness is a choice you make.  No matter what your spouse, or anyone else does, you can make the choice to remain faithful.

Remaining faithful is essential to keeping your marriage REAL.