The first week of April is Couple Appreciation Month. The stone for April is a Diamond and the flower of the month is the Daisy. So, give your spouse a REAL Love Note telling him or her how much you appreciate being a couple together. Decorate your note with diamonds and/or daisies.
REAL Love Notes are deposits in the love bank.
“A kiss without a hug is like a flower without the fragrance.” Proverb
Whenever you kiss your spouse make sure to hug your spouse also. We need this kind of connection everyday.
Maintain appropriate boundaries in all situations.
Each couple will need to figure out these boundaries. Think about the boundaries you want around what you say to whom, where you go with whom, and what kind of touch is okay with whom. For example it is okay to tell others how wonderful your spouse is but it is not a good idea to talk about problems you are having with your spouse with someone of the opposite sex. It is okay for you and your spouse to go out to eat with others and not a good idea for you to go out to eat with someone of the opposite sex alone (family members are an exception). It is okay to shake hands with others in public (guys should wait for the woman to offer to shake hands - yes, this is an old-fashioned idea, but it is polite) yet it is not okay to place your hands on members of the opposite sex where under garments would normally cover.
Remaining faithful is essential to maintaining your REAL marriage.
Today is Kite Flying Day! This week take your spouse out for some kite flying. We typically think about kite flying in the summer but it can really be done anytime there is enough wind to get the kite in the air. So, whether you have warm or cold temperatures where you are and be it sunny or cloudy, get out and fly a kite with your spouse.
A REAL date a week builds a REAL marriage.
Most people would probably say that getting married is one of the most important things they will do in life. As important as most people say it is many people spend less time getting ready for their marriage then they do getting ready for a job or even a driver’s license. “I spent months (or a year) planning my wedding,” you say. I beleive you. You spent all that time planning a wedding, a one day event, and probably little time planning or preparing for a lifetime event, your marriage.
If you are entering the dating scene or have been there a while and would like to find more compatible people to date, give thought to learning about mate selection. See www.nojerks.com. If you are engaged or are thinking about being engaged then find someone to help you with premarital education. Find someone who will take you through an relationship inventory such as PREPARE. After you have taken the inventory you want to spend eight to fifteen hours talking about your relationship and learning relationship skills such as assertive communication, listening skills, conflict resolution, budgeting, staying faithful, and maintaining your marriage.
Preparing for your marriage will get you on the right road to having a REAL marriage.
“Feelings of worth can flourish only in an atmosphere in which individual differences are appreciated, love is shown openly, mistakes are used for learning, communication is open, rules are flexible, responsibility is modeled and honesty is practiced.” Virginia Satir
Virginia Satir was one of the greats in the marriage and family movement. The quote above gives us quite a bit of information on how to enrich our marriages. Appreciate how your spouse is different. Those differences probably attracted you for a reason and that reason is still valuable. Your spouse brings things to your relationship that you do not and this enriches your marriage.
Show your love openly and often. It is okay to hold hands or even kiss in public. It is okay, and even encouraged, for you to be clear about showing your love to your spouse. Do not make them wonder if you love them. To make sure your spouse knows you love him or her you need to kiss your spouse everyday, hug your spouse everyday, and say, “I love you” everyday.
We all make mistakes so let us use them as information about what not to do next time or as feedback that moves us closer to what we actually want to do. Sometimes we need to let others know what we would prefer instead of what is happening. We need to be as clear and polite as we can when we communicate. It is good for couples to have at least fifteen minutes of shared conversation each day. This fifteen minutes is in addition to the “business” of taking care of your marriage such as, “Did you make the kid’s appointments today?”
Marriages and families need rules to provide structure. Stay flexible with your rules so that you get structure without making a prison. The structure should help your relationships not harm them.
Take responsibility for your actions and do what you say you are going to do. In all of these things be honest. Honesty builds respect and trust and both are good for your marriage or your family.
Another quote fits with today’s message: “What do we live for, if it is not to make life less difficult for each other? George Eliot
Show your spouse their worth and make life less difficult for them. By doing these things you will build up your REAL marriage.
This Wednesday, March 26, 2008, is make up your own holiday day. So, make up your own holiday and give your spouse a REAL Love Note about that holiday. Maybe it is “I like it when you make bunny noses at me” day and you put a bunny on the front and explain the holiday on the inside. Maybe it is “You’re the best spouse ever day.” Whatever holiday you make up be sure to send your spouse a REAL Love Note to celebrate.
REAL Love Notes are deposits in the love bank.
To keep your marriage happy and especially to keep it REAL, it is good to hear what other couples are doing and to spend time with other couples. Sometimes you actually get together with other couples and at other times you listen to them on television or the radio, and then sometimes you read about them. Today you get to read about them.
I am passing on an article entitled, “5 Things Super-Happy Couples Do Every Day.” I really like the woman who gives sticky notes to her husband (keep sending those REAL Love Notes) and I agree whole heartedly with the couples who pray and share a sprititual life together.
Information like this article keep us informed, encouraged, and sometimes provide new ideas for our marriage adventure. Use these ideas to keep your marriage REAL.
An article posted this last Thursday on Slate has caught my attention this morning. Click here to see an article about out-of-wedlock births. This article lists some of the current research on the cost to society of out-of-wedlock births. It also suggests that women give more thought to having sex with someone they are not willing to have as a husband and that waiting to marriage is a more stable situation for having children. By implication it suggest men should not have sex with someone they would not be willing to have as a wife.
We have long known that divorce and out-of-wedlock births result in pain to those involved and there has also been indication that there is a financial cost to divorce and out-of-wedlock birth. On April 15th the Institute for American Values, in cooperation with the Georgia Family Council, the Institute for Marriage and Public Policy, and Families Northwest, releases a report entitled, “The Taxpayer Costs of Divorce and Unwed Childbearing: First-Ever Estimates for the Nation and all 50 States.”
With divorce and unwed childbearing costing so much pain and taxpayer money it seems to me that we should do something about these events. My plan is simple to understand and more difficult to implement yet it is possible. We need to act on personal, community, and governmental levels.
On the personal level:
On the community level:
On the governmental level:
This is not everything we can do. It is a good start.
Maintain an active and enjoyable sex life with your spouse.
The following tips pertain to sex with your spouse:
Remaining faithful is essential to your REAL marriage.