REAL Marriage

Most of us have multiple things going on each week, especially once children are added to the family.  You have work, children’s sports, school, and other activities, fraternal and service organizations, and for many, church/temple/mosque activities.  It is easy to double book or to be so booked that you do not spend time together.  Each person has a calendar and it gets fuller all of the time.  For this reason it is important to coordinate your calendars.

Each week, get together as a couple (or even as a family), pull out the calendars and coordinate with one another.  Each person needs to have only one calendar for keeping track of appointments, obligations, and other information.  If you have a separate calendar for work, home, and birthdays then it will be hard to keep track of all of the calendars.  Find a system that will accommodate your needs be it paper or electronic.  The beauty of electronic calendars is they usually allow you to print so you can have it with you and yet it is controlled and stored in one spot.

When you have a weekly meeting like this you can make sure that everyone gets where they need to go and home again.  It also allows you to purposefully schedule dates with your spouse, family time, recharge time or whatever you need.  It also cuts down on missed events or asking your spouse to lunch on a day when an office lunch is already planned.

Coordinating your calendars will help you be intentional about your REAL marriage.

Today is “Send an Electronic Greeting Card Day” so send a free e-card to your loved one.  Try www.bluemountain.com or www.regards.com.

REAL Love Notes are deposits in the love bank.

Recently I have been thinking more about how to present a coherent cohesive approach to marriage.  Expectations and their management are a key component of how I approach marriage.  Lately I have been hearing more and more of the unrealistic expectations that marriage will be easy and our spouses should be perfect for us.  No wonder I am going bald.

Because I believe God made us and designed us to be in relationship I went back to Genesis to look again at what the bible says happened in the beginning.  Nowhere does the bible speak of Adam and Eve being perfect for one another.  It does say that God made for Adam a helper who was “suitable,” or “fit” for him.  One version says, “I will make a companion who will help him.”  The bible also says that Adam was put into the garden to tend it to be its caretaker.  In other words to work.  Eve was then “a companion who will help him.”  I am not catching the easy or perfect part here.

Marriage takes work.  All spouses are human and therefore not perfect.  When we realize that the person we married is the person who is “fit” or “suitable” for us or “the companion who will help us” then we can work together to make our own garden of our marriage.  Every garden needs tending.  It needs watering, feeding, and good air to grow.  It also needs to have the weeds removed so the good can grow.

Take care of your marriage and be glad that there is someone who is suitable or fit for you.  For those of you thinking your spouse is not very suitable or fit right now let me suggest that some tender loving care may be just what that spouse needs to flourish once again.

Today is “Eat What You Want Day” so combine a REAL Love Note with your date for the week and give your loved one a REAL Love Note that is a coupon to go out to eat what he or she wants.  Decorate the outside of the note with pictures of your loved one’s favorite food and write the coupon on the inside. 

You can also surpise your loved one with a favorite food at home with a REAL Love Note saying, “Happy Eat What You Want Day.”

REAL Love Notes are deposits in the love bank.

It is National Hug holiday week.  Send your special someone a REAL Love Note with a hug on the outside, inside, or both.  Those of you on Facebook can send a hug that way also.

REAL Love Notes are deposits in the love bank.

I currently lead a marriage enrichment group at the congregation I attend. This is a great group of couples getting together to talk about marriage, share stories, and trade tips. This particular group is using a pre-packaged set of material which makes it easy. I don’t always use my own material since there are a number of good presenters out there and a different take on things helps keep things fresh.

I want to encourage you to take advantage of marriage enrichment groups in your area. Many of these groups are sponsored by churches and often take place in the homes of members. If you are not a church going sort of person though you can still attend most groups. Another option is to start your own group made up of other couples you are friends with so all of you can support one another on the marriage journey. There is even a large amount of “teach out of the box” material that you don’t need special training to use. For some links to that material check www.smartmarriages.com.

Marriage enrichment groups are just one of many tools to help you have a REAL marriage.

The way to a hotter, better, more fulfilling, (you fill in the blank) marriage is to be REAL.  Be Romantic, Encouraging, Adaptable, and Loving.  Remember, romance is a state of mind, encouraging is a manner of speaking, adaptable is a way of working together, and loving is a habit of doing for each other.

Adaptability also means using the information and tools that you find to keep your marriage REAL.  Check this article on MSN for some tips that can be helpful.  One of the biggest keys to having a REAL (or hot) marriage is to work at it on purpose.  Use these secrets in your marriage and tell your friends about them.

Remember that God always gives you a way out of temptation. (See 1 Corinthians 10:13)

Remaining faithful is essential to your REAL marriage.