December is National Bingo month. Give your spouse a “Happy Bingo Month” love note. Decorate it as a bingo card or find some bingo stickers and use those. On the inside write, “I won the prize when I met you.”
Bonus: For those familiar with Mark Gungor’s Laugh Your Way to a Better Marriage, I suggest daily bingo this month.
REAL Love Notes are deposits in the love bank.
Today, November 23, 2009, is Fibonacci Day. Fibonacci was an Italian mathematician. So use a mathematical equation to descbribe how thankful you are for your spouse as part of your REAL love note this week. Because it is Thanksgiving week you can decorate in Thanksgiving colors.
REAL Love Notes are deposits in the love bank.
“No matter what has happened to you in the past you have a choice in how you act in the here and now.” Jim Maxwell
Rent a relationship movie and watch it together. Use it to have a good conversation about your own marriage and how you are going to actively keep your marriage moving in a positive direction. Here are some suggestions:
Pick a film, drop the kids at a friend’s or in-law’s house, snuggle on the couch, enjoy the movie, and then plan to keep growing your marriae the way you want.
A REAL date a week builds a REAL marriage.
Sex! What better way to get people’s attention. God made sex and called it good (a bit of an understatement in my estimation). It turns out that sex has benefits other than the good feelings. Read this article from Mark Gungor to see the benefits of sex.
Sex is an important and fun part of a REAL marriage.
November 1-7, 2009 is World Communication Week. You cannot not communicate so communicate positively with your spouse with a REAL Love Note this week. Since this is Thanksgiving month you can list one to three things about your spouse for which you are thankful. (Keep in mind that “thankfulness” is a theme for the month so you will see it again.)
For those interested in taking their communication skills to a higher level consider a skill based workshop such as Active Relationships, Couple Communication, or PREP.
REAL Love Notes are deposits in the love bank. (Originally written at the beginning of November 2009 but inadvertently saved as a draft. I finally figured out what happened, hence the posting now.)
Thanksgiving is next week. Start working on a list of things about your spouse and your relationship for which you are thankful. As a guideline, make it a list of the same number as the number of Thanksgivings you have been married or together. So, if you have been married 18 years make your list 18 items.
Do the same for your children.
On Thanksgiving Day share your list with your spouse and your children. Actions like this are deposits in the love banks of those you love. Take this opportunity to be REAL with your family.
Today’s REAL love note idea is to say thank you to your spouse for a recent specific action or event for which you want to thank your spouse. As an example here is my electronic thank you to Susan for mowing the front lawn this weekend while I was out of town.
REAL love notes are deposits in the love bank.
November is International Drum (Percussion) Month. Sing it with me, “I don’t want to work….” This week’s date tip is to head out for some good drum or percussion music. If you do not have any close by then go to DCI.org and get tickets for the 2010 Drum Corps International Finals in Indianapolis, Indiana or just pick up some CD of good drum corps music.
A REAL date a week builds a REAL marriage.
Occasionally, I read forums about marriage topics and today saw a question about dealing with trust in a military marriage after infidelity. The couple is going to do some counseling and the wife, who was faithful, is ordering some material that will address the infidelity and the marriage. I have read that material and even use some of the concepts. However, it does not address specifically military marriage which have their own context and challenges.
First, to regain trust the person must make deposits in the trust bank. This has to do with doing what you say you will do and not doing what you say you will not do. It is also helpful here if the faithful person looks at other areas in which the spouse has been faithful. The spouse was unfaithful to the marriage yet maybe they are very trustworthy with the children. Build on this strength.
Second, it is important to have a faithfulness plan. Those who read this blog know about the faithfulness plan, for those new to the blog and needing a primer on the faithfulness plan go here. The point is to have a proactive plan for remaining faithful. For military marriages it is especially important to address how you will do these things while separated, how you will communicate while separated, and who the friends of your marriage are that will actively help both of you carry out your faithfulness plan. Both spouses need friends of the same sex that will help them remain faithful.
Finally, it is necessary to work on your marriage all of the time and especially between deployments. Go to a marriage retreat, seminar, workshop, or class at least once per year. Review your faithfulness plan at least once per year and before each deployment. Read at least one marriage related book per year. It is good at deployment time to pick a new marriage book, buy two copies, and then work through the book together during the deployment.
Having a plan puts you on the path to a REAL Marriage.