Trust in Military Marriages
Occasionally, I read forums about marriage topics and today saw a question about dealing with trust in a military marriage after infidelity. The couple is going to do some counseling and the wife, who was faithful, is ordering some material that will address the infidelity and the marriage. I have read that material and even use some of the concepts. However, it does not address specifically military marriage which have their own context and challenges.
First, to regain trust the person must make deposits in the trust bank. This has to do with doing what you say you will do and not doing what you say you will not do. It is also helpful here if the faithful person looks at other areas in which the spouse has been faithful. The spouse was unfaithful to the marriage yet maybe they are very trustworthy with the children. Build on this strength.
Second, it is important to have a faithfulness plan. Those who read this blog know about the faithfulness plan, for those new to the blog and needing a primer on the faithfulness plan go here. The point is to have a proactive plan for remaining faithful. For military marriages it is especially important to address how you will do these things while separated, how you will communicate while separated, and who the friends of your marriage are that will actively help both of you carry out your faithfulness plan. Both spouses need friends of the same sex that will help them remain faithful.
Finally, it is necessary to work on your marriage all of the time and especially between deployments. Go to a marriage retreat, seminar, workshop, or class at least once per year. Review your faithfulness plan at least once per year and before each deployment. Read at least one marriage related book per year. It is good at deployment time to pick a new marriage book, buy two copies, and then work through the book together during the deployment.
Having a plan puts you on the path to a REAL Marriage.