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The Trust Bank
Everyone has a trust bank. The idea is that the amount someone else trusts you is dependent on the amount of trust you have deposited in your account in their trust bank. Some people are very trusting and will extend you “credit.” This means that they will automatically trust you, or anyone else they meet, to a certain degree as a general principle. They will trust you until you prove yourself unworthy of that trust. Others do not trust until they have received deposits into their trust banks.
Most people extend a small amount of trust to others and then adjust their trust based on the deposits and withdrawals made to their trust account. Trust can be increased or decreased based on interactions. Everything you do with another person is either a deposit or a withdrawal in the trust bank. What you don’t do is also a deposit or a withdrawal though it is the not doing something expected that often leads to trust bank withdrawals.
Some of you may be familiar with the Love Bank. The love bank and the trust bank are connected accounts but not automatically linked. Not all love bank deposits translate into trust bank deposits nor do all love bank withdrawals translate into trust bank withdrawals. There are times though when a deposit to one account is a deposit in the other and when a withdrawal into one account is a withdrawal in the other.
This means that it is possible to love someone without trusting them which happens when people who love each other have an event in which one breaks trust with the other. One area where this happens is infidelity. The faithful person may still love the person who has an affair while no longer trusting that person.
It is also possible to trust someone without loving them. You may trust your co-worker to do what he or she says and to get the job done without loving them. Your co-worker may be abrasive or just different from you and while not like the person much you know you can trust them.
It is important to make deposits into the trust banks of others. It is more important that you do this with people you care about and most important that you make these deposits with your spouse. Spouses need to be able to trust one another if they want to have a REAL Marriage.
The two best ways to make deposits are:
- Do what you say you are going to do. For example, show up when you say you are going to show up.
- Don’t do what you say you are not going to do. For example, don’t yell if you have said you will not yell.
Conversely, the two best ways to make withdrawals are:
- Don’t do what you say you are going to do. For example, don’t show up when you say you will.
- Do what you say you are not going to do. For example, start yelling even though you have said you will not yell.
I know that trust is a complicated matter and that this article has simplified it greatly yet I believe that if we keep these basic things in mind then we are able to understand how to be trustworthy and why we either trust or do not trust other people.
Make trust deposits on a daily basis and your trust account will grow. After a while your deposits will start gaining interest and you will have a big account. It is important though to continue making deposits and not try to live off the interest. Trying to do this will become a withdrawal.
Have a conversation with your spouse and ask what you can do to increase your trust account with him or her. If you get the answer, “Honey, I trust you completely” then ask what it is you have done that were the deposits in the trust bank and keep doing those things. Be sure to let your spouse know what it is he or she is doing that makes deposits in your trust bank and talk about deposits you would like made in your account.
Make those trust bank deposits and watch your REAL Marriage become rich.