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Teen Discipline – The Ugly
“What do I do with my teenager?” If what you are experiencing is “ugly” behavior then the following could be helpful for you.
“What is “ugly” behavior?” This is violent, illegal, and totally self-centered behavior. The teen that is committing this behavior is defiant of the majority of house, school, and societal rules. This behavior may be confined to just one of these areas but usually is not. This teen is breaking the law, cursing you as a parent, and threatening or committing violence upon you, others, property, or themselves as a means of getting their way. Often they have been in trouble for a long time and it has continued to escalate.
“This is my kid,” you say. The first thing to do is seek professional help. It is best to find someone to help the entire family and not just “the problem kid.” One reason is that the whole family is experiencing the effects of this kid’s behavior. Another reason is that if changes are not made in many areas such as family, peers, school, community, and individually, then the change will not last. In all families that I have worked with where the parent(s) wanted me to “fix the kid” there has been a need for additional treatment later. Those families that worked together in all of the above areas received much better results.
Next, ask the professional you are working with to recommend support groups, especially if you do not have good support from family or friends. You will need support to help you through the interventions suggested by the professional.
Make sure you follow the professional’s interventions carefully. With these really tough teens interventions need to be followed precisely. You can do them. Be careful and deliberate. Keep going even if it does not seem like it is working and then consult with your chosen professional. Often it is working, only more slowly than you hoped. Many of the problems you are experiencing did not happen overnight and will take a while to improve and heal.
Finally, don’t give up. You may need psychological, medical, legal, and social service help. It may be exhausting and costly both emotionally and financially. You may need to place your teen in a program, though it is best to start with interventions implemented by you and the professional you have chosen. If you do need to have your child removed for treatment or legal reasons, keep working with them.
I have not mentioned much about the spiritual side of dealing with “ugly” behavior. Many people are not spiritually or religiously inclined so I have not written extensively in this area in these articles. For those who are spiritually and religiously inclined, I encourage you first to pray. Seek out your clergy and the support of your spiritual family. Regularly study Scripture for guidance, support, encouragement, and the appropriate pricking of your own heart for any needed change. And don’t give up.