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Staying Faithful Everyday
We all want our spouses to be faithful to us and our marriage. Very few people plan to be unfaithful. I have noticed though that very few people have a plan for staying faithful. While this may sound like a simple play on words it is a profound difference in thinking and action. When a person says, “I’m not planning on being unfaithful. I wouldn’t do that to my spouse.” that person is talking about what he or she is not doing. In such a scenario there is not much thinking going on and people go about their day. However, when a person has a plan for staying faithful there is thought and action designed to keep a person faithful.
A person may not plan on having a car accident and may not be paying attention to the road or traffic. This person may or may not end up in an accident but the chances of being in an accident are greater because the person is not paying attention. Another person has the mindset of arriving safely and therefore pays attention to the road and traffic. By paying attention this person avoids the accident at the intersection where a person not paying attention runs a red light.
The person not planning on having an accident and not paying attention will get hit by that person running the red light. The person not planning on being unfaithful will get caught unaware and because of any number of circumstances can end up in an affair. The person with a plan for staying faithful is the person with the mindset of arriving safely.
So how does one make a plan for remaining faithful everyday? Intentionally! Listed below are steps I think will help you in planning to stay faithful every day.
- Realize that anyone can end up in an affair. The moment you believe it cannot happen to you or to your spouse you are in danger. No one is immune to an affair; however, you can stay faithful by being proactive.
- Decide that you are going to be faithful to your spouse everyday and that you are going to take active steps to remain faithful.
- Keep your marriage a priority and put it before everything and everyone else.
- Take care of your marriage. Give your spouse and yourself positive reasons to be faithful.
- Invest in your marriage. This is not just the maintenance of number three but actual work on improving your marriage and making deposits in both the love and trust banks of your spouse. You are less likely to be unfaithful to a relationship in which you have invested so much.
- Fill your social network with people who are supportive of marriage in general and your marriage in particular. Make sure to support their marriages as well.
- Agree on what commitment, fidelity, and exclusivity mean.
- Meet your spouse’s most important needs.
- Speak your spouse’s love language.
- Maintain an active and enjoyable sex life.
- Maintain appropriate boundaries in all situations.
- Be honest always.
- Recognize that work is a dangerous place when it comes to staying faithful.
- Do not talk about problems with your spouse with someone of the opposite sex.
- When talking about marriage problems with same sex friends make sure you are looking for ways that you can do the right thing instead of complaining about your spouse.
- If you are doing something that you feel you need to lie about – STOP! This is a warning from your conscience.
- Only do things that you are comfortable if they are publicly known.
- Keep old flames from reigniting.
- If you are attracted to another person tell your spouse and ask them to help you understand it and meet those needs in an appropriate way.
- Avoid temptation. Make a list of do’s and don’ts to help you (e.g. DO: Call my spouse everyday; DON’T: Meet with someone of the opposite sex alone behind closed doors.)
I believe that this list will help you devise your own plan for staying faithful. It is not an exhaustive plan. You may want to tweak a few of the ideas to fit your marriage. You may want to have a more detailed plan that spells out all of the dos and don’ts for number twenty of the list. What is most important is that you and your spouse have a plan for staying faithful and that you each follow that plan everyday.
I cannot tell you that if you make such a plan and follow it every day that you will absolutely avoid infidelity. What I can tell you is that if you do make and follow a plan for remaining faithful you have a very good chance of remaining faithful. I can also tell you that your faithful marriage will be happier than any unfaithful marriage you have.
Make your plan today so that you can have a faithful REAL Marriage.